Often one hears at anger management that the men want to deal with their anger, and initially there is some bewilderment that they are told they need to look at their level of self esteem. Why does a man get angry? Because they feel threatened by someone. Is that some one real or some perception? Probably the latter.
With low self esteem life’s threats seem much closer to the surface. The man is coming from a space that the world is not a safe place. The world is hostile rather than supportive. It goes deep; the man’s self image is low (through no fault of his own), so any negative remark is taken as an attack on himself. He is looking for blame, then he gets defensive then he gets aggressive. So life is one conflict after another.
Remember good self esteem is “holding oneself in high regard in spite of imperfections”. Many men can identify with their low self-esteem but have hard time integrating it with anger and aggression. They still want to gravitate to the external (of ‘she’ or ‘they’)rather than come to terms with the internal. In some ways this information is over whelming leading to hostile comments like “What am I supposed to do?”
The beginning is to become self aware of how many times a day the man beats himself up, in so doing dis-honours himself, and at some point ask himself “Why do I keep doing that? What’s the purpose?”.
So in the short run, forget about wanting deal with anger at someone else, but with himself. Old habits die hard, so do not expect instant miracles.