Sadly so many men in anger management like to put themselves down. They are perfectionist who are unable to accept any form of failure or imperfection, probably they have been pushed by aggressive and often critical parents, so that is all they know. The fact they are in anger management is indicative as to how angry they are both with themselves and with other people. This need for negative control is just acting out what they learned as children.
Unfortunately life has to include some sort of failure at some time, more for some than for others. But what happens is a wave of shame and guilt follows of “If only” or “I wish I had….” and they won’t let go of whatever it was that tripped themselves up. Remember anger management is learning how to protect the self and obviously they didn’t do something that would have protected themselves. Unfortunately many men feel kindness is a sign of weakness. Much of life is learning by experience, no one starts off sitting down in an orderly seminar of life and says this what to do when…… Watch a kid learning how to walk when 11 months old.
So when we screw up what prevents us being kind to ourselves? People who are smart do it, as a result they go to bed and sleep, waking up with “What must I learn from this?” and move on. It is a form of self nurturing, moving away from “I have to compete with everyone” to more “Looking after me” or “I’ve done the best I could”
Biologically they produce far more seratonin and oxytocin than cortisol, they live longer and are happier.