We all wish each other happy new year, when we say it do we mean it? Do we know what we are saying?
Why is being happy relevant to those in anger management. The average angry person is not happy, anger implies a threat and those in anger management feel like victims, they are in survival mood and want to get even. They feel boxed in and need to lash out.
What can be happy do and why should they? It is all about choice and no one is saying “You have to be happy”. But there are some benefits. The brain begins to appreciate what is going, it opens up, so it doesn’t feel so cornered, it doesn’t feel so threatened and automatically doesn’t feel so angry. When in this space there are more options. The brain has moved from survival to creating and when one is creating it automatically gives a sense of power.
Most angry people stay in the negative, thoughts and perceived outcomes are negative, there are few options and catastrophe is near. The thinking goes into overdrive, we think at 300-1000 words a minute, cortisol gets produced and the future looks bleak. How difficult is it to find something positive to focus on? It doesn’t mean giving up the hate but focussing on the positive loosens up the grip that hate has. What about some gratitude? That implies there is some support in the universe, good things do happen in spite of everything. What about appreciating what one has rather than what is missing, it might boost self esteem, that might give more confidence and surprisingly more emotional grounding and power.
And so it goes. This forces a man to be brutally honest as to how they are thinking and what is that doing for them. i.e. what is the purpose of not being happy and what consequences seem to follow.