A basic ingredient for all relationships is trust, and the lack of it leads to painful consequences. trust at the personal level happens in the first year on the planet and it evolves from a secure’ relationship with the parent. many men in anger management do not have this bedrock relationship that trust is a given in life. The lack of it leads to fear, mistrust paranoia.
There are levels of trust: simple trust, blind trust , conditional trust and authentic trust. Trust maybe there but it disappears when there is betrayal. This is very significant in people’s lives when as young children some trauma gets interpreted as a betrayal. Memories run deep. Trust rules apply in business and personal relationships.
When there is no trust, the man feels separated and unconsciously wants connection, in this instance men can be very gullible, they will trust anyone who likes them. Later that same man will veer away from intimacy because underneath he doesn’t trust the woman. To break it down there has to be an awareness that without trust the relationship will not last. He may even think that anyway.
With the self awareness must come some ability to disclose what is going on. She may have exactly the same issues. Like most things in anger management it is a skill which has to be learned. It gets built by asking for and making and keeping commitments. The probability is that reverting to mistrust can occur at any time. It requires being honest to say what is going on and how the mistrust is hurting the relationship. What assurances are needed to move forward?
Not a simple subject, great when it is there and disastrous when it isn’t. A man must ask himself where do I or do not trust her? and then ask what about her? does/should she trust me?