Most men in anger management seem to have a bias towards the negative, particularly if they have low self esteem. The brain is wired to want to avoid loss, it is part of our survival mechanism which when it sees a threat will defend the status quo. Many relationships should have ended a long time ago but people hold onto staying based on the previous energy they have invested. Often people say they can’t leave a relationship because of the children, yet they are prepared to maintain the misery by staying coupled, with the real reason being they can’t face a brake up even though it could signify a new beginning
The focus is not where they could be going but where they are coming from. In arguments it is easy to have lots of energy about what is wrong and much less for what is right. A marriage ends when the negative comments outweigh the positive.. In fact the positive side means being vigilant to maintain it, the numbers demand five positives to one negative to keep the relationship alive.
So it is important for man to look at himself and ask how easy is it to see the positive versus seeing the negative.
Often real negative energy percolates when losses are around, it is difficult to absorb theses because the status quo has been upset. A quality of emotional intelligence is one’s adaptability with difficult information.. There are no magic answers except the smart person knows how to frame issues that move forward and a dumb person doesn’t. It is all perception, circumstances are secondary.