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Language, gender and leadership

Anger management  classes are given to perpetrators of anger and abuse. But looking at the problem from a wider perspective, it is not just the perpetrators who need to listen. Society as a whole tends to detach itself from the problem and in so doing helps to make the problem worse.

348 playing ostrich




When there is an act of abuse the language  makes it about the woman, and does everything to not make it about the man. John hit Mary will end up as Mary has domestic abuse problems. It focuses on her  and not on John. So it is looked at as women’s problem not a male problem. Like it or not males are involved as when a son sees his mother abused he will have some trauma.

While men will accuse the feminists as angry Nazis yet they often remain silent when sexist comments are made. The male silence ends up condoning the situation. The men become bystanders.

No man wants to be labelled a bystander. There is something whimpish about that However the man has to ask: “Is this situation OK?” He either takes a stand or just watches. The problem becomes what is he teaching his children? and again if nothing changes then nothing changes.

These beliefs go deep, deep in our psyche and culture. We don’t get leaders of society referred to us for treatment,  all we get are the end result i.e. the actual perpetrators who live in this bystander society. It has been a wake up call to witness the resistance of the Canadian and US military or the RCMP as to whether there are gender problems in these institutions.

A sad question: If the leaders of society are oblivious to the problem why should anyone care?

Source TED talk


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