People who connect with other people generate successful relationships. The reverse is true that those who do not connect emotionally with others have unsuccessful relationships. Unfortunately anger management classes are made up of people who do not connect emotionally. They view their partner as weird, deformed, deranged, from another planet et al.
The emotional connection occurs very early on in life as a result of the connection between baby and caregiver. It is not the baby’s fault if the baby gets it wrong, however it becomes that person’s problem as the person gets older as they are unable to make emotional connection. They genuinely don’t know how, and they angry at their isolation and blame the other partner.
The way forward is to acknowledge the gap and see how easy or difficult is it to develop empathy skills. So when she says “I am pissed off you left the dishes unwashed “ He say “I hear that you are unhappy that I left the dishes unwashed” He could go a stage further and say” I can understand why you are upset”
One might ask “Why is that so difficult?” and he will respond “Because… because .. because” To see that that response keeps him in a trap of repetition is the way he will get motivated to find an option that takes him out of his corner. The truth is despite having learnt about misguided connections which have become an ingrained habit, it is very possible when motivated to find alternatives.