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Attachment, loss and addiction.


There are cycles that permanently angry people go through with immense highs and equally immense lows. Many of them have insecure attachment, meaning they are always afraid of being cast adrift, believe underneath they will not be able to cope, therefore any form of loss is a major threat. They are not the cause of their attachment problem but the result of it.

330 needy man

 

 

 

 

A relationship with a woman, a job, a location all become very significant and the thought of a loss throws the man into a panic. He reacts as people do when there is a death and there are stages of grieving: shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. His behavior between the first and last stage is erratic and unpredictable. It doesn’t happen in a logical sequence but can jump back and forth between the various stages. If there is an addiction as well then relapse is logical. These stages are a natural process.

 

There is no easy way through this. The challenge is for the man to recognize where he is vulnerable and what he needs to do to protect himself, one bad decision leads to another. Often there are patterns we create, often decisions are made before the process is complete. Acceptance is the final stage and requires fully accepting what has got  lost or  gone wrong is over and being able to let go. Being able to say “It is what it is”

Source: addiction and recovery

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