It is difficult, when after all the excitement of having a new baby, the mother (wife) falls into depression. She becomes irritable, doesn’t sleep (nor does the baby) little things bother her, she loses enthusiasm and joyful pleasure of doing things, there are mood swings, she becomes anxious. These are not nice symptoms and the challenge is: how does the man react?
He often can be resentful or impatient with her behavior; he can start to blame and say she”should” be doing something different. It is hard not to be resentful, particularly if the man is pulling his weight and he perceives her as not doing the same. The smartest thing he could do is understand that biology is playing its part with changes in estrogen levels; and that lack of sleep exacerbates this and things can go downhill from there. If he personalizes it he makes matters worse. What he has to realize is that a crucial bonding process between mother and child must not get interrupted, as this will have long term effects on the baby’s temperament which will stay permanently. Keeping in mind the needs of the child can override his irritation.
He genuinely has figure his role as the male leader of the house and what that means in terms of his expectations. It’s never easy: she may become less affectionate, lose interest in sex and it can last for up to a couple of years.
This is a downside reality to having babies and the man has tremendous power to either keep the ship on an even keel or to facilitate its destruction. Making her wrong is a killer. Take a deep breath and realize what is going on.