These were results of a study done on both sides of the Atlantic. When a woman succeeds who the man is in love with succeeds he experiences lower self esteem. A woman probably doesn’t recognize this as she feels it is great to bask in her own glory, so why wouldn’t her partner have the same experience? Why indeed?
Men and women are raised with different values, for a woman it is communal and the ability to connect with others, for a man it is competence. To be good at tasks. He sees the world as competitive and his success means he has to be better than others. He she succeeds in something then he implicitly sees that as weakness or failure in himself.
In this world of equality, which is leading to more women being successful than men in the early part of their careers, to be able to buy their first property ahead of men, this can cause great unspoken fears in the man leading to a lot of stressed and edgy anger. She is bringing more than him and he feels insecure or threatened. How does he need to change?
It is easy to say he should feel good about her success as it means there is more money coming into the partnership, but does he really feel it is an equal partnership, if not why not? Why is it he feels he has to be in competition with her? For him he has hit a “raw spot” a reminder of some past deprivation when someone did better than him.
These results force people to ask these hard questions. It is particularly hard for men in anger management as many have trust issues and fears about women. This will force them to ask “Why don’t I trust her?” and “What do I have to do to trust her more?” He might even go further and share these feelings with her. He response will tell him a lot.
Not easy questions but there is an incentive Isn’t there?