Men in anger management complain that they are distracted easily with the result that they start things and don’t complete them. Then start something else and it too doesn’t get completed. They might ask themselves ‘Why?’ do they do this. It is a common occurrence for those with ADHD and it implies that their executive function, the pre frontal cortex is not working efficiently.
People with this problem make many impulsive decisions based some passing emotion that says they must have something immediately. Often because their executive function isn’t working they don’t have a clear vision of what they want, only a fleeting idea. Very often they have a much clearer idea of what they don’t want more than what they do want. It is the negative that allows the distraction space to move in. Along with this pattern comes a lot of frustration, dissatisfaction and anger.
They key is to learn how to stay focused, which means becoming fully engaged, knowing what is wanted and what the final result will look like. Holding onto the vision or the goal sounds obvious but is the only thing that keeps one grounded.
Finally there has to be an expectation that the goal will be achieved, rather than focusing on what might go wrong. Focusing on the positive gives the motivation to continue. Blaming someone or something for a distraction is just a cop out.
So next time in the kitchen when “she” says something that jars the flow, what are the options? How do you keep your integrity and not make her wrong?