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The killing patterns in relationships


It is said there needs to be five positive remarks to every one negative to keep a relationship alive. When it doesn’t happen the obvious breakdown follows. Men in anger management have done this. They need to recognize what they do and how it effects their woman. And she may be doing the same things, but he is responsible for his side 100%.

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Criticism; making her wrong will generally bring a jab back from her. Contempt takes it further. It has been described as sulfuric acid for love. When there is contempt it is saying one side is better than the other, or she is inferior which will hurt her, There are certain words or phrases that are poison: “You never, “ “You always,” set a negative tone.

Getting defensive blocks the flow, it negates the other. The idea of being a couple or  a team is off the radar screen. It also implies one person’s opinion is only one that matters. Or the silent treatment where neither side will speak to the other so nothing gets resolved while the frustration remains like a bad smell.

In all these cases there is zero connection between the players, they want connection but their wounds, current or residual get in the way. As they get more disconnected the comments get more bitter or they go silent.

Being aware that the purpose of a relationship is to foster connection. The man has to keep that in mind.

Source: AndersonCooper

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