A characteristic of many men in anger management is how uptight they are. They work out att he gym, not for 30 minutes but for two hours with the same intensity as they do elsewhere in their lives. At the end they feel physically better but still mentally wound up. They do it not because they enjoy it, but because they feel they have to. They have to because it is going to GET them something, they are coming from a place of LACK and are fearful.
This precludes any enjoyment for doing something for it’s own sake. Happy children learn to explore and play, yet the angry man has a hard time just playing. Afraid to be loose, his mind is constantly on something beyond what he is doing. The mistaken belief if he keeps that in mind he will be doing better, always having to be better. What stops him from taking life so seriously.
Are there areas in his life where he draws pleasure? The wiring for joy in our brain is legitimate and may need cultivating. Unfortunately when there isn’t enough joy we revert to drugs such as oxcycodone to turn on the pleasure circuits. Can he give himself permission to let go? What might motivate him? If it is any consolation we are much more effective when we are loose, we have flexibility and can see beyond our noses.
Fun means switching from the left to the right brain, giving up control and just being with whats happening.
A simple observation is do you feel better when you smile? or when you sulk? If you like the feeling of smiling what could you do to produce more smiles? Learn to live well.