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When it’s over, your attachment style will determine the pain


When a relationship ends men react in different ways, those in anger management don’t cope well. Their reaction is determined by their attachment style which is usually some form of insecure as opposed to secure attachment developed when they were very young. It is helpful for men to see their patterns and how they adjust. This is about him, not about her

258 Attachment style

 

 

 

 

Anxious/preoccupied people have low self esteem and are easily slighted, they may have had other partners on the side to keep them feeling needed. They get very angry when it is over, believing they can’t cope with her.

Anxious/ ambivalent  people have relationships of love and hate co-existing, they have stormy relationships, there has been a lot of anger, even as a way to keep control. When she goes they get even angrier yet make her into something much more than she ever was before.

Avoidant/dismissing people go into some denial that there was anything there much before. They were critical of their partners before and now she is gone they are Ok with that as they will find someone else yet remain distant at the same time.

Avoidant/ fearful people have histories of tentative attachments, very much on/off. When she is gone they get depressed, withdraw or get very possessive.

There is no easy answer to handling the end of  a relationship, but angry men sabotage the healing process and hurt themselves.

 

Source: William Worden

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