A lot of men in anger management get stressed at work, don’t know how to deal with and come home , then dump their frustrations on their significant other getting into very destructive fights. The origin of the stress may be legitimate but not dealing with it is the crime.
When we get stressed we upset our internal balance, called homeostasis. The goal after being stressed is to get back in balance ASAP. When stressed our system tightens up, muscles contract, heart rate goes up as we produce stress hormones such as adrenalin and glucocorticoids. Too much attacks the immune system, kills valuable neurons in the frontal cortex which makes rational decision making impossible.
The stress in the body has to be relieved, a walk a run, chopping wood, something physical or any distraction; dancing, or doing a hobby. All this bottled up tension has to disappear. Coming home and dumping on the family helps disappear the initial stress but some how creates more stress.
We are designed to be social, stress induces isolation. Primates are generally very social, they go in packs, they don’t have too much stress even thought the world can be very challenging because it’s offset by feelings of support from the pack. When stressed does the angry man look for social support? He probably goes in the other direction seeing the world as an unfriendly environment and broods.
Finally, which is harder to control is how predictable are these stressors?. We get hit far worse by the unexpected. Driving in a defensive mindset gives one control, so when trouble comes we are not surprised. If the budget is tight then don’t make any wasteful decisions hoping the future will take of it. Keep as much control as possible, its worth getting back into balance.