About 28% of women are hit on sexually from 14 years onward in N. America, that’s one in four, whether that is done by 28%of the men is probably not the case, but it appears that less than one in four men care about it. The majority of men in anger management couldn’t care less. It has become particularly a problem in colleges and universities that they are asking about bystanders and why they do nothing
Some men say” it’s a private affair”, “she probably encouraged him”, “she deserved to be hit” “she didn’t say NO clearly enough” “she dressed provocatively”. When this is happening what stops men intervening? People hold back because they may think someone else will take the initiative, they are afraid they may look foolish, it’s too risky, they don’t have the skills. Universities have taken the challenge with what’s called the “Green dot “ program where leaders in the colleges , eg. High profile sports men get trained in spotting potentially unpleasant situations and take intervention as a given. Surprisingly others follow.
It often obvious which woman is going to be hit on and who may do it. If she looks vulnerable she is fair game: they could be bragging about past scores, she may be getting too drunk, it’s generally obvious to bystanders that something is probably going on that will lead to trouble. Is the bystander able to say “Leave her alone” “Get her cab”? Little by little this becomes the rule rather than the exception.
It is helpful for a man to know what holds him back and keeps him a passive bystander and at what level would he be prepared to intervene.