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Self awareness and helicopter helping


How much helping is required to make a relationship healthy. Certainly many in anger management would say they don’t need any help and others think the reverse they get too much help, but they don’t call that help they call that interfering. Women often complain that “he” doesn’t lift a finger to help.

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Is there a balance between not enough and too much? In parenting it is becoming obvious there may too much helping. A line is crossed when the helping becomes micro managing or helicopter parenting. The helping person’s need is to be able to control and ensure success of the helped. Children use the word they were “smothered “ by their parents, generally their mothers. Their need was to be left more to their own devices and that never happened. The spin off is these children when they become men they have a lot of resentment around women. They find her energy cloying and fear intimacy.

The paradox if there is too much help by the man she often ends up less motivated  somehow expecting to be carried forward . The man then gets resentful  that she is not doing what he wants.  There is a balance with being supportive of someone’s goals and allowing them to take charge themselves. The same applies with children, allowing them to experiment and fail is all part of learning.

We repeat as adults what we learned as kids. Anger  management requires being aware of what we did and did not learn as kids, what worked and what didn’t then apply what works in adult life. Sounds like a tall order but the majority of people can do it.

Source: New York Times

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