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Leverage and creating options

Destructive anger results from feeling you are in a corner. The belief is there is no other option but to attack the other person. And if that is the belief then there is no other option except it will lead to unforeseen consequences that may make the situation worse. Most overly angry people don’t think through consequences, having tunnel vision limits their options.

233 options









The initial anger results from feeling like a victim. “There is nothing I can do” is an extreme example of being helpless. There is always something that you can do, it may be immediate or it may be somewhere in the future. Analyze where the other is coming from, are they reasonable/ or not are they impregnable or not. Generally somewhere with every one there is an Achilles Heal. In dealing with organizations it is often as simple as knowing who will say “No” and who will say “Yes”

With personal relationships it requires some connecting. Remember destructive anger is all about disconnecting. Where is the other coming from? Why are they coming from that place? When you know “why’ you have the opening to look at their position more fully and look for the chinks in the amour.

When the other is arrogant they generally have left themselves open to some counter attack. They may have an image to protect, you may need to move from isolation to finding  allies.

If there are no options then why bother to fight if you are going to lose? The smart person knows that the first option to ask “How I am going to resolve this to my satisfaction?” and then start looking.


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