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Marital Disagreements Reveal Climate Of The Marriage

“I found that people were most likely to express anger, not in the moments where they felt most angry, but rather in the situations where there was an overall climate of anger in their relationship – situations where both partners had been feeling angry over a period of time. This means that if a couple falls into a climate of anger, they tend to continue expressing anger regardless of how they actually feel … It becomes a kind of a trap they cannot escape.”(Keith Sanford)

 Young Couple Seated Back To Back

So often in anger  management we hear that the couple had been fighting a lot and it just got getting more and more and worse and worse. But neither side was able to go beyond anger. As we always say there are other emotions beneath anger somehow how related to fear. Sadness implies loss, and loss is something we find difficult to cope with so anger becomes the natural response. If there is sadness there could be a lot of disillusionment or let down

Being able to explain the sadness would take the person to define their needs which is always where a dialogue should go if it is to find resolution. Sadness and loss generate feelings of compassion rather than aggression, it also invites in reciprocal comments of empathy and takes the discussion in a completely different direction. This requires stepping back and reflecting what is truly going on, both for the individual and the couple. It means asking the question “Why am I hurting?” “Why are we hurting?”

Source: Medicalnews


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