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Cost and reviews of fights

Studies on the cost of fights say what might be expected. That the more couple fights, then greater the  damage. This occurs at the physiological level such heart disease, immune system breakdown , higher blood pressure, osteoporosis and cancers. The wounds inside the body can take longer to heal with hostile couples verses more compatible couple. A hostile couple can be nursing the hurt hours or days later continuing to produce more of the wrong chemicals and less of the right ones. Psychologically the hostile couple is more likely to develop ongoing depression.

 204 Makeup letterOne interesting suggestion is to be able to look at your fight as an outside neutral observer, and then maybe write up the observations of what you saw about yourself. What were your mistakes , what were hers. How long did it take to cool off and return to warm feelings, or were the grudges held over day after day. It is even suggested that couples share with each other what they have written. There are probably patterns of what is argued over, or timing of hostility. Does one side or the other initiate closure or does it just recede into the background? It is useful to be able to see this objectively. The upshot on long term studies indicates by doing this there was a lowering of hostile fighting to something more compatible.

Fighting is inevitable but it is the lingering resentment that becomes the killer. How often are there friendly periods, do they last or is it back to making the other wrong. Being aware of what‘s happening leads to options. Creating options is what anger management is about.

Source: New York Times


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