The mumbling outpourings from Areil Castro regarding his sentence which implied some defiance in justifying his actions because he is a sex addict are not acceptable. Many men in anger management say “I did because I am a……..” As if that gives them an excuse to manifest anti social wounding and destructive behavior. There is no justification to hurting another human being. Rationalising it is emotionally satisfying. It also away of minimizing responsibility. What often accompanies abusive behaviour is a narcissistic projection saying because “I felt this or that” then my behaviour is OK. It is not Ok and the act of restitution is to acknowledge a wrongdoing without comment. I did the act. Period. At that point he defenses disappear. There can be no turnaround in attitude, no healing until the event is acknowledged without explanation or excuses.
Unfortunately this is hard for many men as they have poorly defined standards and are terrified of exposure. It is a self esteem issue, the inability to accept oneself. Saying I am sorry can only work if the speaker genuinely means it as far a the victim is concerned. If there are any qualifications around “sorry” that have the intention of deflecting the truth, then it is a sham. It is putting one’s own ego ahead of the victim. The law is very clear: are you guilty or not guilty? There is no room for ambiguity. It is a harsh Yes or No
If I am an alcoholic addict and I drive a car and kill someone, saying I am an alcoholic is a hollow self justification. We are responsible for how we conduct ourselves, and we are sex addicts then govern ourselves accordingly. Unfortunately this awareness frequently occurs after not before the incident. The damage then has been done.