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How people change

The buzz word in anger  management groups is the need to change. The question is what has to change, and by how much? This can be over whelming. Certainly clients give lip service to wanting to change but how many do change their thinking and by how much is debatable. A reading of the AA philosophy is “nothing will change unless you let go of old beliefs absolutely” sounds great but how realistic is it?

180 promise-change-cartoon








Change means shifting from one set of beliefs and behaviours to another set of beliefs and behaviours, all in sixteen weeks. In realty there is only so much that can be done, old beliefs are there for a reason and there is much resistance to giving them up. Added to which the process require we do one thing at a time. As it goes into place there can be a reference point for other ideas. Change has to be specific, it has to have a purpose, and the purpose has to give better or more desirable results and benefits than before.

If the example is to stop lying then one is shifting to telling truth and that gets done because…………., if it is top stop belittling my woman it is to respecting her because…………, from stop hitting to her  when upset to exploring what it is I want constructively because……………… A bad idea has to be replaced by a better idea.

Attempting to do everything at once will backfire, one idea at a time, examine what it is all about, paying attention to the detail. The rest will follow.

Source : New York Times


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