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Listening: a man’s problem

Why is it so difficult to listen? So many men in anger management demonstrate time and again how difficult it is to listen. The frequent response to challenging questions and statements is to disagree, interrupt, argue, deny or go into a pathetic sulk. They talk  as if their life was at stake. The smart one’s listen, but they are in the minority.

175 Listening









The hardest thing for a man is to listen to a woman who has a different opinion than his. In relationships the smartest and essential thing is for a man to be able to listen to uncomfortable information from his wife or girlfriend. He does one of two things, firstly to argue or secondly when she tells him of a problem he wants to fix her. Unfortunately arguing says to her that she is wrong; which is bound to draw a negative reaction from her. Wanting to fix her problem is telling her she is incapable of sorting out her own problems; she will be insulted. Or he won’t listen, gets bored and rolls his eyes. She is again feels insulted.

The wiring of the sexes is different . A man talks about a problem to get advice on how to fix it. A woman talks about a problem in order through the talking to figure out what her problem is. His job is to listen.

Listening requires giving up control, something he is loath to do. If does give up control he fears something bad will happen. The paradox is if he listens he will keep control of himself, not her which he doesn’t need toin the first place.


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