We learn to trust in the first twelve months of life. If we don’t learn to trust we then lean not to trust. It colours our view of the world. We either feel safe with other people or we feel unsafe. This lives with us for the rest of our life. Many people in anger management have serious issues around trust which greatly impedes feeling OK around women.
Reearch is finding that we produce chemicals and hormones that sustains us in the direction we are going. The chemical oxytocin which occurs with women at the time of giving birth to bond with the baby is produced when we trust which encourages bonding with another. This occurs in any relationship, in business for example there is trust which allows for transactions to happen., however if there is mistrust In men, more so than with women, then testosterone is generated which in turn generates cortisol. This sets up the relationship to be hostile.
So the brain gets wired early to produce these chemicals which then become automatic later, leading to automatic reactions. Men often have difficulty in being vulnerable with women which automatically puts the mistrust cycle into action. This is because they don’t feel safe and responses can spill into many destructive directions.
One way to break the cycle requires being aware how automatic these feelings happen. Then try giving someone hugs in a safe environment, and learn to move through the discomfort to a more relaxed space. Nothing comes easy and it means venturing into new territory. The oxytocin circuits will begin to develop.
Source: The Guardian