We normally focus on men and drinking and abuse, but studies indicate women have their own patterns of drinking which have historically been ignored. Married men drink less than divorced or single men. Men generally drink more than women. But women living with a male drinker tend to drink more than single women.
What does this mean as far as this type of relationship goes? We often hear in anger management men who complain their spouses were drunk in their altercations. Usually both sides have been drinking when fights have occurred. We always say to the man that he has to deal with his drinking before he can deal with his marriage as his behavior indicates that he cannot safely drink. And his drinking can effect her drinking which means that neither side has any objectivity in a fight.
We also ask the man as to why he wants to live with a drinking woman and we get weak answers that “I love her” which usually implies some level of co-dependence. If the man does deal with his drinking he is in a far better position to determine whether he wants to remain in the marriage. If he doesn’t then there is little hope unless she gets to deal with her problems or the relationship will continue to spin out of control.