With all the self justification in angry marriages to make the other wrong, sadly what is ignored is the cost to a life of domestic conflict. Studies in the US indicate that those who are married successfully there is more money for education, more income and a much better life style. 44 % of marriages end in divorce, 41% of new kids are born to single mums with the result that these kids will form the basis of the new underclass.
In anger management we say “Like attracts like” the co-dependency leads to two sick people waiting for other to make life work. At the other end of the scale healthy people attract healthy people. Obviously this is not always the case but the numbers bear something out that supports this.
If the marriage is on the rocks, why did it happen in the first place? How much energy is spent on blaming the other rather than asking what do “We “ or “I” have to do to make things work. Always motivation is the key. Part of the challenge is get the partners to see the benefits of being successful. That differences are part of the script for each side to work through the childhood expectations.
One of the simplest ways to redirect the dialogue is to ask what do you like about your partner. Rebuilding starts from what there is, not from what there isn’t .
Source: The New York Times