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Confrontation when you are angry


There is a mess somewhere, in the office, at home. It doesn’t matter. What matters is you are upset, very upset. What is a normal unproductive response? As soon as the word “You” is used, this immediately comes a no win situation.

Whatever the strength of the outburst, sooner or later there will negative consequences, probably unforeseen. If there is shouting and screaming there will be shouting and screaming back, if there is hitting there will be hitting back, or revenge or outsider’s will be called. It is so naïve to think otherwise irrespective of how justified the outburst is. Going into aggressive overdrive takes the attention away from the issue and makes a personal attack on someone.

If there is accusation, belligerent ordering, belittling, blaming, lecturing, name calling, cursing, rage and put downs. All will fail because of the reaction they will generate. Unfortunately it can’t be otherwise. Newton’s Law: for every action there is a reaction, and this is a universal law. If one takes a look at one’s own angry outbursts there is always a pattern of some retaliation.
The only way through is to state your own anger to the issue and advise in someway how unacceptable the action is. It may require saying how you feel, it may not. It may require an explanation or it may not. It may be direct confrontation to an individual or it may be indirect talking to a group of what you want done.

Focus on the “It” whatever that is and this will produce results. You will feel good and keep your authority. Attack will lead to counter attack leaving you worse off than before and you will end up feeling bad.

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